


Oh Glory

by urieking



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Bandom - Freeform, Changing POV, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay Male Character, M/M, Mild Smut, Multi, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Romance, RyRo, Ryden, Rydon, brallon, brendons pov, dallons pov, ryans pov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-17 06:29:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3518900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/urieking/pseuds/urieking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When old friends Brendon and Ryan reconnect after years, the love they had comes back to their relationship. But Brendon's new friends and band mates might not exactly approve for a few reasons unknown to Brendon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Meet

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter is written from 3rd person, all other chapter will be from 1st person with a specific character . Also if you see any mistakes don't feel scared to let me know. English is not my first langues and even though ive been speeking it for years now, i still mess up and dont always catch it.

With asip of whisky, Brendon was filled with memories. Of the old times, of old friends, and old lovers. How he missed so dearly, and secretly, his old friend Ryan. It had been years since they talked, though only a few moments since he scrolled through photos of the old friend. Brendon saw that his instagram was filled with smiles and new friends, and no room for a grudge holding, problematic ex. Exiting out of the app he opened his contacts and reached Ryan’s number. Even though he refused to talk with him, the feeling of being able to anytime was enough.  
It had been years since the break up. He had grown himself, and now had the talents of his new friend, Dallon Weekes, by his side in the band. Life was going well and it wasn’t worth bring back the past, it wasn’t even a guarantee Ryan would want to talk to him. But ignoring every fiber in his body telling him this was a bad idea, with his thumb, he clicked call. As the phone rang his heart raced, would he even pick up? After a few moments of no answer, it went to voicemail. This brought an absolute feeling of crushed hopes over Brendon. In the few moments the phone rang, all the wonderful times he had with his friend rushed through his head, only to be interrupted by a dialing tone.  
Walking over to the shelf where he kept his liquor, he sat his phone down next to the empty glass of Whisky. While pulling out a half empty bottle of black velvet whiskey his phone started to vibrate. Nerves exploded within him giving no time to think, when he tried to place the bottle down on the counter, he was so rushed he put it on the edge, causing to fall and shatter. But there wasn’t time to care about the mess because Brendon could see the caller ID. Picking up the cell phone, he almost couldn’t breathe, but managed to click answer. The voice on the other end was absolutely beautiful to brendon’s ears, even though all it said was “Hello?”  
After years he could still recognize the sweet tone, “Ryan?” he said with a shaking to his voice.  
The pause was long before any response. For a moment he thought Ryan hung up. But alas, the caller replied, “Brendon? Is this… really Brendon?”  
Brendon’s heart felt like it was about to fall out of his ass, there was honestly no way to describe what he was feeling after Ryan had recognized his voice. He had absolutely no clue what to say and the only words he could muster up were, “I miss you ryan”  
And halfway through the few words he spit out, it was clear Ryan was almost in tears. He huffed and had a hard time spewing words, almost as much as Brendon. “I miss you so much Brendon.” He said with short breaths and gasps between tears.  
The slight buzz from the drinks he shared alone with himself started to give him the guts to actually speak full sentences.  
Brendon said with a stern voice, “Ryan, what are you doing? Can you see me?”  
“I have time in about an hour to meet up.” Ryan said, sniffing and trying to catch his breath.  
The only thing he could think of to invite Ryan to was a bar. It had been so long he didn’t even know his old best friend anymore. What his hobbies or interests are, he had no clue who he was anymore in all honestly, “Can we get a drink or two? I know a great small place.”  
After Ryan agreed to the meeting, Brendon gave him the address and told him to be there in an hour. Hanging up he was filled with a feeling of euphoria and his heart raced so fast he was almost in pain. After all this time, after years of not even speaking a word to Ryan, the two would be reunited. He was hopeful everything would turn out perfect and he would get to spend time with the person he once cared about so much, but there was still this weighing feeling of doubt that nothing would work out right. Or perhaps he had moved on, after all Ryan did seem happy in pictures without him. Rushing to grab his keys he looked back at the forgotten mess of broken glass and brown liquor on the ground, and it didn’t even cross his mind to clean up before he left, in his mind there was no times to waste.  
Upon arriving at the small pub, every feeling of delight had washed away and all that was left was pure fear, Brendon was absolutely petrified of what could happen. Sitting in the car outside the pub was enough to make him feel like he would vomit up everything. Turning the car off and pulling out the key, he took one last breath and opened the door. The air smelt of fried food and air pollution, good old LA bars. It was warm so he was dressed in only a light black cotton button down shirt with the sleeve rolled up to show his forearm tattoos and dark jeans. The wind blew a few pieces of his dark hair in his face and when he stepped out of the car, his hand ran his hand through his locks to slick it back over.  
To walk into that bar was one of the most terrifying things Brendon has done in a long time. But as soon as he forced his legs in the front door, he started to scan the bar. Chances are he was here before Ryan seeing as how he lived close to the pub, and he left immediately after the phone call. He chose a round booth and attempted to gather his thought while ordering a drink. Every emotion flooded his mind from absolute fear, to excitement, his nerves made him feel as if he was about to just scream. When the waiter sat his drink down on a coaster he looked up to the waiter, but saw Ryan walking in a few feet behind.  
He was taller, that was the first thing he noticed, but still adorably small. That was something Brendon always loved about Ryan, the fact that he could wrap his arms around his small frame. His haircut was somewhat similar to his own, but had a small patch of blond in the front. He walked with grace, even though his head was down. His outfit consisted of a thick leather jacket, a white tee, and dark jeans with white dress shoes. His style sure had changed since they last saw each other, and for a moment Brendon missed the hippy pants and scarves that he used to tease Ryan for.  
As the two made eye contact both of them couldn’t hold back a huge smile. “Ryan” Brendon spouted with almost too much excitement in his voice; no way can he play it off cool now. Ryan’s whole face lit up, a smile that stretched across from cheekbone to cheekbone. Getting up, he jolted over to his friend in a fast but stable pace to meet him half way to embrace. He wrapped his arms around Ryan’s frail body once again, and for the first time in years he felt as if he would cry. Squeezing the boy, he could feel Ryan tense up against his chest almost as if he was rejecting the hug. But in moments Ryan hugged back with all the force he could, with his head turned away to hide the tear he couldn’t hold back.  
Brendon didn’t expect himself to open up this fast, but he couldn’t help it. Years had been wasted and he wouldn’t let a moment be wasted with awkward small talk. Brendon pulled away from the hug, still grasping his friend's arms in his hands, “It is so good to see your face” he said. The two boys walked over to the table that had a full drink waiting on it, “I don’t know what you drink, so I didn’t get you anything.” He mumbled, still baffled that he was sitting right across from his closest friend.  
“Its fine” Ryan said in a cool voice. He seemed nervous, quite, Ryan always was a bit more shy than himself, and he couldn’t expect that to have changed. The two sat quietly, almost as if they both waited for the other to burst with words. Looking up from his hands Ryan made eye contact with Brendon, “I waited for you to call me for so long.” he pushed out of his lips. Guilt filled Brendon, after all he was the one who cut contact, and this was partly his fault.  
He picked up his drink and took a sip, that liquid courage sure could come in handy now. After taking the drink from his full lips, “I was scared.” He paused. “Mainly that you wouldn’t want to see me again.” Brendon said, it was as honest as he’d been with himself for a long time. His anxiety was what kept him from reconnecting and somewhat his pride, as if he had a mental competition of who can outlast the other, even though he clearly lost. “I wasn’t sure you would still… care.” He said putting the glass to his lips.  
“Now that’s just stupid.” Ryan said, his face was stern and serious. “You know I always care about you Brendon.” The words felt like someone just punched him in the heart. It was stupid, and it was his fault. He let things go for so long, tried to fill his head with false ideas that made it easier to cope. But it was all lies he told himself, Ryan always loved him, no matter what crazy things he tossed his way, Ryan stood by him the whole way, and deep down Brendon knew that he always would be there for him.  
“You’re right, im sorry” He said leaning back with a slight grin. It was a bit sarcastic, but that was in an effort to lighten the mood. Before he could get in another word Ryan started talking, “How has the band been?”  
“It has been pretty good, our newest album is doing pretty good. I had help from Dallon writing it. Really good artist he is.”  
Ryans face was blank, “Dallon looks like a cool guy”  
“Yeah no he’s great, a great friend, writer, singer, he’s the whole package I guess.”  
“Just a friend?”  
It caught him off guard that Ryan would ask that so soon, only a few minutes into their talk and he already is showing a bit of jealously towards his new band mate. “Yes, friend. For the most part.”  
He had to be honest, and the truth was while Ryan was gone, he couldn’t help but pawn off his feelings on Dallon. It really hadn’t gotten into anything serious, only a few times had they ever got really close but his heart was still held for Ryan.  
“Well I’m glad you had someone to replace me.”  
“In the band. Replace you, in the band.” All Dallon did was become a band member and the longer he sat with Ryan, the more he realized Dallon was never able to replace him.  
“Not in other aspects? Personal?”  
“Nope. I really haven’t been with anyone.” He informed him with a smile, “You left some big shoes to fill.”  
While he was speaking in cheesy clichés, it was all true what Brendon was telling him. No one had lived up to Ryan, no one could replace him. Even when he tried to get rid of Ryan, may it be with new boys, getting drunk, or whatever self destructive things he did, nothing made him forget.  
The boys smiled at each other once more before exchanging a look that said “Let’s get out of here” Pulling out a twenty dollar bill, Brendon dropped it on the table, took one last drink of his glass to finish it off, stood up and pulled out his keys, “Let’s go” He said taking charge and looking down at Ryan with a huge grin.


	2. Full Lips - Ryan's point of view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its getting smutty.

Sitting in his car felt unreal. It had been so long since I was just sitting with him. When the phone rang earlier I knew exactly who it was but hesitated to even pick it up. But I lost all strength and called him back, which led to me sitting next to Brendon for the first time in what seems like forever. I kept glancing over at him to sneak a peek; he was as handsome as always, if not more. His biceps showed through the outlines of his thin shirt and with his new hair cut you could see the perfect jaw line he possessed.  
The car ride was silent until we reached what must have been his home. I can admit I didn’t expect Brendon to live on such a clean cut property; it was modern and tasteful and really just proved how mature he had grown. As he turned off the car I unbuckled my seat belt. I could feel his gaze pointed towards me, rendering me unable to look back at him.  
For the few quite moments we shared together in the vehicle, I thought of where this was even going. How much did Brendon really miss me? What was his end goal in even asking me to meet him? What was my end goal in even agreeing to it? His soft hand cut off my thoughts as he slid his fingers through my hair to brush a few strands out of the way. The feeling of his skin against mine brought sparks through my spine.  
“Ryan” He said to me. Was it impolite not to respond, because I wasn’t trying to be, I just had no idea what to say or where to start. But without a thought I blurted out “Why didn’t you call me sooner.” I felt flustered. The words left me before I could think about taking them back, “You fucking idiot!” It was almost as if adrenaline and rage pumped through me. I wanted to cry and hit him for cutting things off without warning and waiting this long to even contact me after all the attempts I made. “I tried for a whole year to get a hold of you!” My voice was starting to squeak in a poor effort to not cry. “What do you even want from me at the point” I shouted at him letting a tear go. I faced the window to wipe the drop away. My anger was getting the best of me. While I try to be calm and collected, at this point with Brendon it was almost impossible.  
“I don’t know why it took me so long.” He retaliated. “I guess I am a fucking idiot. For waiting this long and for even letting things go” His large hand pulled my face towards him and even my best effort didn’t stop him from forcing me to face him. While I was slowly becoming a blubbery mess of snot and tears, what touched me was when I looked into his eye, they looked as weak as my own, almost in tears. And without a moment to pull away his hand slid behind my hair to grip the back of my head and pulled me in.  
His soft full lips greeted mine as if it was the first time all over again. He was always so passionate and even more so now. Once more he moved his hands to the underside of my chin as we kissed. I restrained at first but I couldn't hold back and I became limp to his power. Pulling away from each other he slid his fingers down my chest all the way to my lower abdominal before lifting them off my body. Brendon let out a slight giggle before confessing, “I missed that way too much” and then looked up at me.  
Once inside I sat on his leather couch. There was no TV in the front room, everything was clean and dusted; basically the opposite of my own apartment. On the wall rested a few awards, including new ones he earned by himself. Career wise it was obvious Brendon could make it on his own. But as nice as his home was, it was empty and lonely. The most that probably happened on this couch was drunk nights with the guys. He looked so handsome, I couldn't help but stare as he poured us some water and brought it over to me.  
“Thank you” I mumbled grabbing the glass and just set aside on a coaster. As I turned my head I met his full lips again, “Brendon” I said mid kiss. Removing my lips, “What are we doing” I said. Not even sure what response I was looking for.  
“I don’t know”  
I guess that’s the only response I should have expected. And it was apparently good enough because I couldn’t stop my hands from pulling him in by the front of his shirt. We kissed, as he slid his tongue in my mouth I moved with him into a straddling position. In an instant he pulled my hips hard onto his pelvis, his hands gripped me so hard it hurt, but I loved it and reacted with a small moan.  
He giggled through our kiss, “You are adorable” he whispered in my ear as he kissed my neck. Every kiss he left on me shot lighting under my skin. His touch felt amazing, he smelt like cologne. I pulled my jacket off and while I sat up on top of him, he unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off. His chest was warm and soft and I remembered the nights I spent curled up to it. My hands ran along his rib-cage as I bent down to kiss him again.  
Alongside my pelvis I felt his member growing increasingly fast. The thought of Brendon turned on caused my own pants to buckle at the crotch. The couch wasn’t enough room and I dropped off it and onto the ground. Hitting the floor on my back I laughed as he looked down at me from on the couch. I grabbed him and pulled his body onto my own. His tight jeans looked as if they would start popping seams. Unzipping his front I grew even more excited, I haven’t felt this turned since the last time we made love.  
“Take me. Now.” I said with heavy breathing. I couldn’t wait for any more teasing I needed this now. I needed to remember what it felt like to feel him explode in me. Brendon took control, just like he used to and flipped me on my stomach. His warm hands slid under my shirt and pulled it off me. Kisses were left all the way down my back right to the small. I lifted my ass into his hands and let out a moan unwillingly.  
My pants almost ripped as he forcefully pulled them off my ass. His warm kiss on my cheek was something I missed so much. As he straddled me, I was almost about to just force him into me.  
“Fuck” He whispered to himself.  
“What’s wrong”  
“I’ll be right back” he promises as I got to watch his bare ass run into the hall. He came back with a bottle in his hand smiling at me. “Lube” He said holding it up to show me. His smile was gorgeous and his naked figure was perfect as well. As he sat back on top of my legs I could hear him opening a condom and sliding on his member.  
The lube was cold as he dripped it on my opening. A finger spread it around and no sooner had I felt his thickness slide into me and I yelped with pleasure. Once he was fully inside he let go of a huge moan and whispered the word “fuck” under his breath.  
Making love on the hard ground brought back memories of hidden blowjobs in bathrooms after shows and make out sessions in the back of the tour bus when everyone was asleep. Even to our best friends and band mates, we never came out as a couple. Maybe we both tried to deny the whole “I’m gay” statement it would label us with. Though it wouldn’t be a complete shock if we did seeing as how everyone suspected it.  
But two years later would we even be able to openly come out together, that is if this booty call turns into something. Would it be even more difficult to be accepted by our loved ones after all this time. All these thoughts had to come to him right now, right as Brendon was about to…  
He let out a huge moan and I could feel him explode into my ass. I felt him pull out and herd the snap of him pulling off the condom.  
“Flip onto your back” He said and I obeyed. His mouth took in my member and after being fucked I was already on the verge of orgasm myself so within moments of him stroking me I busted into his mouth. The orgasm was one of the best I had ever had and to top it off he kissed me with his soft lips still warm.  
After cleaning up we made it to his California king bed, I couldn’t help but think this bed would get lonely fast with all the extra room. It was clear Brendon isolated himself; there were no family photos or pictures of friends. It was all black leather and varnish. But I climbed under the soft white comforter and closed my eyes as he wrapped his strong arms around me just like he used to.


	3. Dreams - Brendon's point of view

The sound of my eight a.m. alarm scared me pale; I had been in a deep sleep, something that hasn't happened in a while. My dream was one I have had for a while now, but a bit different. It was back to 2006 on tour with Ryan. The day of our first kiss. It was on stage and we had done “stage gay” as it’s called, for a while now, but that show we actually kissed. I still don't know if any of the fans caught that it wasn't faked that night, but it was what started the best few years of my life.  
Normally my dreamed ended in a huge fight that never happened in real life, it was probably just my subconscious hoping that was what actually happened, instead of falling in love with him. But last night I dreamed that it ended in lovemaking backstage and soft kisses, just like it actually happened. That was one of my fondest memories of Ryan. The first time I felt his skin in more than just joking around on stage to get a reaction out of our preteen fans.  
Opening my eyes I quickly noticed my arms were empty of any Ryan, startled I sprung up. And there he was. Sitting with his legs crossed eating cereal and watching TV. He was in only a pair of boxers that he must have stolen out of my drawers, but they looked so much better on his adorable butt. His back was soft and defined; it rippled as he turned to me with his spoon in his mouth. His smile was flawless even with a metal utensil in it.  
To wake up to this man once again felt breathtaking. His hair was messy but sexy, bed head was my favorite look on him. It reminded me of nights hidden away together and the mornings that followed and how they were rushed all so no one would find us. But this morning I got to wake up and not feel like I had to push him out the door. I finally got to bask in his stunning beauty with the morning sun shining on him.  
“I didn’t make breakfast, wasn't sure if I could. So I stole your Fruit Loops!” He confessed taking another bite of his breakfast.  
“It’s completely fine” I assured him with a smile I couldn’t help. When he turned back around I lifted the covers and got out of bed. Facing away I opened my dresser to find a pair of boxers to cover myself with. Lifting up a pair I looked in the mirror in front of me to see Ryan’s eyes sneaking a peek at my behind. I Slid the cotton underwear on my legs and turned back to him just in time to see his eye shoot back to the TV.  
Kneeling down on the bed next to where he sat I told him, “I saw that.”  
He’s plump cheeks flushed bright red, but instead of teasing him, I put his bowl aside and pushed this beautiful man on the bed. I pressed my lips on his as my way of saying good morning. He smelt clean and his jaw clenched from arousal. I slid my hand along his tight jaw line and rested my finger at his chin as I pulled away from the meet.  
“Good morning handsome” I finally said. With one last peck as my phone’s texting tone rang. As I picked it up the screen I saw that it said Dallon. It was a bit embarrassing almost to text him while I was being felt up by Ryan. If Dallon had even a clue that I contacted him, in all honestly I have no clue how he’d react. I had only shared one night with Dallon and the most that had happened were a little kissing and groping after a few shots and tired hours of songwriting.  
I turned the phone away from Ryan as I opened the text, I’m not even sure he would notice as he had already glued himself back to the show.  
The text opened and read:  
“Stopping by. I left my guitar strings at your place and one broke last night.”  
Worst text that I could ever get at this moment. If I rushed Ryan out I’d hate for him to think this was a one night thing. But knowing Dallon, chances are he’d stop by and spend some time hanging out. The biggest problem was how to tell Ryan without him getting any ideas.  
“Ryan I have a problem” I said, before letting him get a word in I explained, “Dallon is stopping by. He has to pick something up. You can stay in here while he’s here, should only be ten minutes or so.”  
If I could hide Ryan I’d be able to spend all day with him after Dallon left, and he never comes into my bedroom anyways.  
“I’ll keep quiet” He said turning the volume on his show down.  
As I picked out a pair of jeans of the ground and slipped them on, the front door opened. I never had a problem with Dallon just walking in, but I didn’t expect him to already be here. Without putting on a shirt I rushed out my room and telling Ryan to lock it behind me.  
“Brendon.” I heard his deep voice say from the living room.  
“You know it’s like eight in the morning Dallon, you need your strings now?”  
“Yeah, I have plans to work on some stuff today and kind of need them.”  
I walked into my home studio with him following behind me. We picked up the strings and headed back to the front room. I was so thankful he wasn’t aware of what had happened last night on that couch as he set his stuff down on the seat. His phone dropped and he bent down to pick it up.  
As he stood up, in his hand was the bottle of lube from last night’s play. If I could die from pure embarrassment, that’s what would happen right now. My jaw clenched and chest tightened. I had no clue what to say in order to explain it away. But to my relief he just set it on the end table, wiped his hand on his pant leg and laughed, “Who was she?” he joked. She? Yeah right. But I didn’t want him thinking I was sleeping around with a girl, so I let go of all common sense and blurted out the only other thing that could explain this.  
“No girl, just me.” I said, probably only making everything worse then it could've ever been. I basically just told Dallon he picked up my masturbation lube. His face turned from a giggle to disgust.  
“Damn it, and I picked it up for you? Clean up after you jack off to avoid scaring me for life next time” He squealed turning to the door.  
“Have a good day with your lube.” He said walking out the door. As it shut behind him I let go of a huge breath and my embarrassment was about read to kill me. But I shook it off, I didn’t really feel like admitting to Ryan that my lube was found, or admit that I came up with the worst excuse in history. So I calmed myself down and walked back down the hall.  
As I turned the knob it stopped from being locked, but in moments Ryan unlocked it from his side. I opened the door and was greeted with hands wrapping around me.  
“So that was easy.” He smiled.  
“For the most part.”  
I kissed my boy once more. His lips tasted sweat from the sugary cereal and his chest was warm as he pressed it against me.  
I let out a moan, “Don’t get me all excited” I said pulling away releasing his tongue from my mouth. If I got in bed now I would want to spend all day naked in bed. Waste away until sundown kissing his neck.  
“We can’t just keep having sex Ryan.”  
His hands slid down my bare waist, “I know.” He huffed. His head rested on my collar bone, his hair was soft as I ran my fingers through it. He was perfect. In every single way possible. I almost hated myself for letting someone this amazing go.  
“Do you need some clothes? We should pick up your car from the pub” I said pulling his face off me to look at him.  
I picked out a grey v-neck and blue jeans and placed them on the bed. I pulled over a white The Beatles band tee that I’ve had for years. When I turned back around he was zipping up the pants and sliding into the shirt.  
“You still have that shirt!” He said surprised.  
“Why would I get rid of it? It was the first gift you ever gave me”  
We embraced once more and everything at that very moment felt surreal, almost like a dream that had finally come true.


	4. Blushing - Ryan's point of view

The only thing that sucked about being in Brendon’s studio on a beautiful, sunny California day was that we were clothed. Light broke in through the open window causing him to look ravishing. To keep my hands of his chiseled body at this point was so devastatingly difficult I couldn’t help but slide my right hand down the front of his abdominal and tucking a few fingers in his waist band. My other hand made its way to his left bicep, he was a lot more toned now and I gave it a squeeze.  
“What are you doing Ry.” He said spinning around to meet my gaze.  
“I can’t help it.” I giggled, “Making up for lost time?”  
His smile met mine as we kissed; with my right hand still holding a grip on the front of his jeans I pulled him close trying to close the gap between us. As dangerous as this was in both fear of people finding out, and mentally for myself, there was still nothing I wanted to do more than touch his skin.  
My tongue explored his mouth and with heavy breathing I hopped up on to him wrapping my thin legs around his muscular body. His kiss was amazing as he trailed my neck with them causing me to let out a slight moan.  
He backed into the red leather couch that was tucked away to the wall allowing himself to fall on it with me straddling him. Instinct took over and I was rocking my hips into his hoping he’d get the hit soon enough. And when he did, he dropped me on my back with my legs still entwined around him. I felt his pressure grind into me and it turned me on completely.  
With one last kiss he pulled his tongue out of my mouth and made his way down my body. His hands were the last to make their way south, one stayed on my chest and the other pulled the zipper as he held my pants in place with his teeth. Before I could see what he was doing I yelped in pleasure as his mouth wrapped around my member. It was warm and soft; this boy knew what he was doing with his tongue.  
The hand that was still on my chest went under my shirt to create skin to skin contact. My breathing was short and fast, beads of sweat formed on my fore head for nearing climax and the bright sun still beating down on us. As I was coming close to erupting from his handiwork I heard a muffled, “Oh my God!” And the sun that once drenched us was slightly blocked by a tall shadow. I don’t think Brendon noticed but I opened an eye and saw my replacement band mate standing outside the front window in shock.  
I would have orgasmed at this point when Brendon took my member in all the way into his mouth, but I jumped up and covered my privates with my hands, startling Brendon.  
“Had I done something wrong.” he said cleaning a small bit of my ejaculatory from his bottom lip. But before I said anything his eyes locked with Dallon’s, who was giving us a huge “I caught you” look of disappointment. We saw him turn to the front door and walk in. As soon as we couldn’t see him through the window and heard the front door slam I zipped myself up and turned to Brendon who was rushing out of the studio. Perhaps Dallon didn’t notice it was me, after all we hadn’t ever met, and maybe I could play it off as just some random guy. But as soon as I was coming up with my pseudo name and back story I could hear the same deep voice shout, “Is that fucking Ryan?”  
“Please stop Dallon” I heard Brendon cry.  
“Why was his cock in your mouth?” He shouted. “When did this happen Brendon?”  
“It happened last night.” He confessed.  
I was still tucked away in the small bright room.  
“I was drunk and I called him up.” And when I heard these words come from Brendon I felt devastated. Drunk. The only damn reason he even called me up was because he was drunk. My skin felt like fire to the touch and I want to cry. I stormed out of the room right past the arguing idiots, picked up my leather jacket and slipped my dress shoes on from last night.   
They barely even noticed me until I was half way out the door with my keys in hand. Brendon ran over and blocked the door way with his body, “Ryan stop, please wait” He said tearing up.  
“The only reason you called me last night was because you were drunk?” I cried. My eyes were watery and vision blurry from holding my tears.  
“Would you have even given me the time of day if you were fucking drunk?”  
“Ryan no that’s not it at all!” He grabbed me as I shoved my face in my hands. I squirmed out of his embrace, “What the hell is wrong with you!” I shouted in full tears now.  
We argued and I cried, my heart felt like someone was taking a huge shit on me. I was finally back with him, I got to wake up in his arms, I got to kiss hips lips just like I used to. Only to find out the only reason any of it happed was because he was on a drinking binge last night that gave him the balls to call me up.  
“If the only reason why I called you up was because I was drunk, what about this morning?” He retaliated.   
“I don’t know, you wanted one last fucking orgasm before you drop me again?”  
Dallon was still in the room; he no longer looked disgusted but now had a facial expression that looked guilty. “Please stop arguing.” Dallon pleaded. We both looked to him with dumbfounded looks.  
I was petrified of his next words but shut up to let him speak, “It was just a shock.” He confessed.  
“To see Brendon… To see you two… Like that. Just not something I thought I’d witness.”   
He started to walk over to us, “My name is Dallon” He said holding out a hand.  
I grabbed it and shook it; his grasp was firm as we shook. “Ryan” I said.  
“I know who you are.” He said turning to Brendon. “I had to deal with a whole year of this idiot moping around about losing you.”  
And when he said that all my anger was set aside. The only thing I could muster up was a confused, “what?”  
“Go back to doing whatever you two were just… well you know. I just came to pick up Brendon.”  
He turned to the Brendon who was bright right and flustered, “You would have known I was on my way back over if you picked up the phone. They guys wanted to meet for lunch. I’ll have to tell them you already ate.” He laughed at his own joke.  
As soon as Dallon was out the door Brendon slid down the wall and sat on the floor with his face in his knees. He was crying, and while part of me just wanted to leave to think, I knew that the angry words we exchanged were meaningless. I knelt down to Brendon and kissed the top of his head.  
The words, “I love you” Slipped my mouth without my brains permission. When I said that he looked up to me, eyes glazed over and red, “You love me?” He questioned.  
Before I could regret the words he kissed me. His tears mixed in with our kiss and he mumbled, “I love you too” Between our lips. When we parted his cheeks were a cute blush color and I just placed a kiss on his forehead, holding it there while he cried.


	5. Out - Brendon's point of veiw

A week had past and Dallon still had not returned my texts and phone calls. He hadn’t seemed upset with catching us in the act, but this was very out of character for him to not reply to me. Ryan had only stopped by once in the past week for a quick make out session before he escaped my grasp. And now days later the feeling he left on my lips made me miss him so much. We had texted a few times, good night, good morning, little things like that. I had sent him a shirtless photo of me after I got out of the pool the other day in an effort to tease him enough to rush over.

It is Sunday night, and I have fresh made snicker doodle cookies and not a single person to share them with. It was lonely being ignored by Dallon, he used to be my main entertainment. As I took a whole cookie in my mouth with some crumbs falling onto my lap I picked up my phone and clicked on Dallon’s contact. It was only 7pm so I figured I could invite him over for some beers and action movies. As I called him I quickly swallowed my cookie as he picked up.

“Thanks for not ignoring me!” I said placing the plate of cookies on the end table.

“Ive been busy, what’s up?”

“You should come hang, we haven’t jammed all week.”

It took some convincing but I got him to agree to come over. So I scrambled to pick up and change my shirt that was dirtied from flour. When the door bell rang I shouted to just come in. Dallon walked in with a six pack of beer in his left hand and his guitar on his back.

“I brought drinks!” He said setting the cardboard carrier on my counter. I picked up a bottle and twisted the top off and took a swig and Dallon followed.

Sitting on the couch he strummed his guitar lightly while humming, taking breaks to have a drink. The tune he was playing was a few cords from _Northern Downpour._  I couldn’t tell if he was doing it ironically, or because we had been bringing back a few pretty odd songs in our last few shows and I had asked him to practice the album. I grabbed my guitar and joined and started quietly spewing lyrics.

_Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs_

_Northern downpour sends its love._

He smiled at me picking up the tempo and playing louder.  I hadn’t performed this song for two years; I hadn’t had the guts to even say the title.

_Hey moon, please forget to fall down_

_Hey moon, don't you go down_

We both sang together, our voices harmonized and I let go and belted the last line. As we sang the rest of the chorus and next verse I started to tense up. The next line was the hardest part for me, I couldn’t pry open my lips to sing it even if I had to. But Dallon saw my struggle and chimed in.

_I know the world's a broken bone_

_But melt your headaches, call it home_

My guitar hit the floor as I rushed my hands into my face. I felt like I was about to vomit, I was sick and my stomach was in knots. My tears choked me as I gasped for air between sobs. I had never really cried in front of Dallon, while we had gotten close, I just never felt emotionally safe around him.

But his warm hand touched the back of my neck and he pulled me in to his chest for a hug. This completely caused me to just start balling in his arms. Dallon had never been this close to me, we have never actually shared a intimate moment like this.

“I don’t know what to say man.” He confessed, pulling away.

I looked up at him with puffy eyes and a red nose. “Was it a mistake?” I sobbed, coking on the words.

“I can’t tell you.” He said as he stood up.

“Dallon, I messed up. I missed him. And now I miss him more than ever.” My words were broken up with gasps for air, “I know it was a bad idea, and it probably won’t work out the way I hope. But I just couldn’t help myself”

It took him a moment but her replied, “Are you fucking kidding me right now Brendon” His whole posture turned angry and he couldn’t face me. His words shocked me into breathing normal again. Tears stopped, my heart stopped.

He turned to me with his eyes glossed over, “I have been by your damn side for years.” He shouted.

“Cleaning up the mess he fucking left! He left you a mess! And all I got was a drunk kiss one night. And now I have to sit here and put up with him breaking your heart again?”

Dallon picked up his guitar, “I thought I could just ignore this, and Ryan would leave you again. But do you not see how hard it is for me?”

As he headed out the door leaving me speechless, a bright pair of headlight came in through the front window stopping him in his tracts. He set it guitar case against the wall and crossed his arms.

“I brought Chinese food and this one movie I rented, I was told it’s pr-“ Ryan stopped as he opened the door, hands filled with takeout boxes. His smile dropped as he made eye contact with Dallon. The last time they met Ryan was caught with his pants down, literally. And Dallon did hesitate to bring that up.

“Nice to see you know how to use a belt to keep those jeans up.” He snapped. Last time Dallon brushed our play aside, but he wasn’t holding back from shaming Ryan this time. Ryan was at a loss for words and he looked as if all possible movement was stolen from his body, just frozen in the door way.

“Dallon don’t, he didn’t ask for this.” I pleaded. I made my way to Dallon’s side to try and reason with him and calm his anger. But he spoke up again, “You better not fuck with his heart this time.” He threatened.

Before grabbing his stuff to head out the door Dallon’s long arms yanked me over into his hands. He pulled my chin up and planted his lips on mine. Kissing him sober was more confusing then with a few beers in my system. As he pushed away he grabbed his instrument and walked past Ryan, “I fixed him, and when you fuck him up again, I’ll be here to pick him up, just remember that when your dick is in his mouth” He said pushing Ryan aside and out the door. His car screeched as his headlights faded when he drove down the road.

My hands were pressed to my lips; they still tingled from the kiss. I turned to face Ryan but he was already walking into the kitchen with his head hanging low. He sat the takeout and DVD on the counter. I couldn’t see his face as he turned from me.

“You said it was nothing between you and Dallon” He grumbled so low I almost didn’t hear him.

“It was nothing. At least I thought.”

“Does he not remember that you called me first? You started this. If anyone should be worried it should be me.”

“Ryan-“

He turned to me from across the room, “No! I’m never allowed to be hurt! Everyone still blames me for everything! But you fail to tell everyone that the reason I left was your entire fault!”

It was my fault. And I never owned up to that. I never wanted to come out as Ryan’s boyfriend, no matter how much Ryan begged me too. I was still stuck on the idea that it was only a fling. Fights about my commitment to him had pushed him to leave the band all together.

“Is no one worried about you fucking up my life?” He cried.

“I won’t!”

“You won’t do a lot of things Brendon.”

I knew what he wanted me to say. And I couldn’t promise him anything. I cannot promise I will be comfortable coming out. It was the only thing Ryan wanted, and I still didn’t know if I could. But I knew if I couldn’t get over my stupid ego, I would lose this man again.

“I’ll do it this time.” I mumbled. “We can do it for real this time” I ran over to Ryan. He turned away as I tried to wrap him in my grasp.

“You are just trying to say what I want to hear”

Then I pulled him into a kiss, one that made me forget completely about Dallons lips. It made me sure on my choice to come out with Ryan. It made me sure that this was real. He went limp in my hands as I embraced his soft cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont know how i feel about this chapter yet but i hope you enjoy


	6. Stage - Ryan's point of view

The breeze could cut skin as I made my way to my car at 6:25 am on a surprisingly very cold morning for being February. But I bunched up in my faux fur hood and warm coffee. I drink it with just a pinch of sugar, but for the most part I enjoyed the bitter taste to help wake me up even more. Brendon invited me last week to sneak into his show and I willingly agreed to stand back stage. The auditorium was only about an hour or so away from our city so there was the choice of sleeping in our own beds. Not wanting to ride with the rest of the band and crew, I chose to just drive myself.

Unlocking my door I slid into my car and waited for it to warm up as I enjoyed my sharp tasting coffee. The caffeine never did much for me and at this point it has just become a habit to drink five cups a day, a habit I should really lose.

Once heated up I saw the time was already 6:40 am, ten minutes after my planned time to leave so I turned the key and backed out. To avoid drab morning talk shows I stuck a CD into the slot and kept the volume soft. The lengthy car ride alone gave me a lot of time to over think things that I really should just let go.

That kiss Dallon planted on Brendon was the first thing to come to mind. It didn’t honestly feel as if Brendon had feelings for him, but the thought of coming between the band yet again was almost enough to force me to turn back home.

The sun made its way into the sky as I drove peacefully. I had arrived a bit earlier than I expected, it was now 8:30 am. I just felt completely unreal as I sat in my small white car and looking up at the sign to see “Panic! At the Disco” on the billboard.  I suddenly recall last year driving by a concert hall to see the same name flashing in lights. I cried then and right now was no different.

But after a half hour long wait a tour bus shows up in front of me and off steps Brendon. Dressed to perfection, even at nine in the morning. He pushed his ebony hair back from the wind and his unzipped equally as black hoodie swayed in the wind. His smile glistened as he helped friends off the bus. Dallon was the last off, walking right past Brendon with his lengthy arms crossed.

I finished my now cold coffee and grabbed my phone, shoving it and my keys in my coat pocket as I stepped out of my vehicle. I didn’t even get the chance to close the door before I heard his angelic voice sing out my name. I turned and the only one out of the group to have a smile on was Brendon, everyone else was a mixture of flabbergasted and dumbstruck. That is besides Dallon who’s face looked like he had a mouth full of sour candies. I didn’t recognize any of the faces but I could tell a few of them knew exactly who I was.

When I finally reached the band of men Brendon’s arms reached out to me, one wrapping around my shoulders and the other motions towards me as if I was a rare species.

“Some of you may know Ryan, but he’s an old friend who I invited to hang with us.”

Yeah _friend_. Because why was I expecting him to introduce me as anything else.

“We should move our shit in” He directed picking up a black box, and the other crew mates followed. He handed me the box and rushed into the bus to come out with some sound equipment and a guitar case on his back.

Inside the building they all just put their boxes of gadgets and instruments all over with no real order to them. A few guys started setting up as the actual band members pulled out their basses and drumsticks. Brendon got his foot tangled in a mic cord and almost losing his balance into the orchestra pit. He looked around hopeful no one saw him, but my eyes haven’t left him since we got inside.

After they finished messing around and messing stuff up, Brendon and I snuck off in my car to get some lunch, stopping at a home styled café. Before I could get out Brendon’s hands found my knee and I could feel him lean in for a kiss but my subconscious reactions kicked in and I pulled my cheek away from his lips.

“Ok?” He questioned lifting his hand off my thigh.

“I’m sorry I don’t know why I did that.” I confessed trying to mask this uncomfortable feeling with a kiss. My windows had not been tinted and for a second I realized we were kissing in public. Full on affection were anyone could see us. As our lips parted it left a huge smile on his soft face.

“Well you sure made up for it” He teased running his finger along the back of my neck.

Inside we ordered soup and sandwiches and Brendon got the waitress to bring a whole pot of coffee over; looks like this caffeine additions was a shared trait. We ate and enjoyed small talk until a group of three young students sheepishly asked him if they could get a picture. He smiled and stood up to pose with them.  He spent a moment talking to them, and most likely making their whole day, and asking if they had plans to come to the show.

The boy in the group was making uncomfortable eye contact with me as Brendon spoke to the two others. I kept my head down and just acted like I was oblivious to his stare.

“Ryan… Ross?” The boy’s soft voice mumbled.

Brendon turned fast in my direction and hurried the fans along their way giving them one last hug and a used guitar pic he had in his pocket. But the young boys gaze was still baffled by me. After they left the café Brendon sat back down with me without a word and just finished his steak sandwich. His jaw popped as he chewed down on the lunch.

“The kid recognized me.”

“I noticed.” He swallowed his food, “But whatever.” He smiled and poured himself more coffee.

As coffee drops splashed out of the soot colored mug onto the wooden table, he didn’t seemed fazed at all by what had just happened, instead he was scrambling to find a napkin to clean up the small mess.

We finished our lunch and headed back to the car, but his hands wrapped around my waist and flipped me so I was facing him. His smile was contagious and no matter how I much I tried to resist it a small half smile crept up on my face. He interrupted my slight smile with his lips, right out in the open. Granted it was just a parking lot with no one really watching. But it was public and the sun was shining and the thought that he was really kissing me without shame almost brought tears to my eyes.

His hand held mine the whole ride back. We picked up a couple more boxes of odds and ends from the tour bus and made our way inside. At 2:30 PM there had already been a few dedicated fans lined up at the gate, we snuck our way around the back to hide from the fuss.

Inside joining the rest of the crew Brendon plopped the box of odds and ends down and ran over to jump on Dallon’s back scaring his friends and almost knocking Dallon off balance. They laughed and talked while Brendon rested his two arms on his friends beside him. They seemed to ignore the fact that I was standing a few feet away as they made plans to delegate certain jobs to each other.

I was pulled back stage after the sound check and into the dressing room with Brendon and Dallon who had been setting out their clothes and cleaning themselves up. The bands style had changed since I left back in the _Pretty Odd._ Era. No more hippie head bands and flower mic stands, it was replaced with golden microphones and Sparkly blazers. He lifted his tee-shirt off and tossed it onto the counter. Just looking at his bare back I couldn’t help but be turned on by his defined dimples right above his adorable butt. My eyes felt locked on him as he washed his face in the sink and styled his hair, droplets of water falling onto his muscular arms.

I shook my eyes off him and sat in one of the plush loungers. Brendon saw me from the mirror and made his way to me. Out of all the seats he chose to drape his legs across me and plop a bare arm around me. As he sat shirtless on my lap he dipped his head back and his wet slicked back hair glistened as it dripped with water. When he sprang his head up, a few droplets flew onto my cheek.

“My bad.” He laughed while using his dry thumb to smudge the wet stop away.

He smiled another beautiful smile to show off his pearly white teeth, “Are you excited to see me on stage?”

“You know it.” I reassured him. My voice was week but I did mean it. I was genuinely happy that even after I left, he stuck with the band. It was his band now and he had shaped it into something great.

“We have been working on a few older songs to bring back into the shows, I had Dallon practice Pretty Odd.”

“I love that album.”

“Well of course you do, we wrote it together.” He said hopping off my lap into the back room were the clothes had been stored.

“Doors are opening.” A guard shouted into the room. Brendon rushed out of the small space he was in dressed in some tight black leather pants, white button up and a sparkly silver blazer that looked like it could blind someone. His leopard print dress shoes clicked as he rushed out of the room motioning to me to follow him.

You could hear a roar of fans already on the other side of the wall. The opening band was already playing and it seemed to really get the crowed hyped. Brendon was getting wires attached to him and picking out his guitar from the few he brought. Dallon was on the other side fiddling with his bass.

When it came time Brendon gave me a wet kiss on the face in the dark and jogged on stage. The crowed and lights made me miss the stage so much as they opened up their show. It was amazing seeing him play but I couldn’t help but feel jealous that I wasn’t out there with him.

“This last song is a old one I haven’t played in a while” I could hear Brendon say into the crowd. The lights went down and Brendon ran off stage with his electric guitar to switch it for a new one or so it seemed. But he forced a acoustic guitar into my hands and the drummer had a slow beet going on in the dark.

“Wait here” He said running back on stage.

He stood on stage as the slow beet faded out.

_If all our life is but a dream_

_Fantastic posing greed_

I wanted to vomit. This was our song. As he sang into the chorus I felt choked up and sick.

_I know the world's a broken bone_

_But melt your headaches, call it home_

After he sang that line he rushed off stage and motioned to the band to keep the tune going.

“It’s your turn” He said pulling on my arm and tugging me onto the stage. The bright white lights made it difficult for me to see the crowd but they saw me because the moment I was visible on stage clapping and singing stopped.

The band kept the song going and I was now in front of a mic with a guitar in hand and Brendon shoving a pic into my fingers. It felt like minutes passed bye before I could fully comprehend what was happening. Brendon had gone back to singing.

_Hey moon, please forget to fall down_

_Hey moon, don't you go down_

And it was almost as if instinct took over because I joined him in the next few line.

_Sugarcane in the easy mornin'_

_Weathervanes my one and lonely_

Brendon’s voice died out as it hit my usual solo and I kept the song going. When it was just my voice over head the dark sea of fans screamed. Cell phones flashed with pictures and videos, a few fans even screamed “IT’S RYAN ROSS!” And the hype made me play with more heart. As if the past few years never happened. I imagined my rose vest and messy hair and all the bubbles we use to pour on stage.

_You are at the top of my lungs_

_Drawn to the ones who never yawn_

On that last line the show dies out and all lighted faded. In the dark Brendon yelled a thanks for coming and the band trotted off stage. Even from the sides you could still hear fans freaking out from my presence. Young voices shouted my name again and the rush I felt was surreal.


End file.
